


My Dearest, John

by Berryholic



Category: Hamilton - Fandom, Hamilton - Miranda, Historical RPF
Genre: American Revolution, Epistolary, M/M, References to Shakespeare, and to greek mythology, because Alex and Laurens are both classics nerds, because this isn't Love Never Dies, epistolary fic, lots of pining, sexy bits are implied but I'm not going to write them write about their sex lives in letter form
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:41:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23250394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Berryholic/pseuds/Berryholic
Summary: When Alexander Hamilton finds himself stuck at a desk, bored and lonely away from military action, honor, glory and John Laurens, he cannot help but write letter to his lover, to remember him by.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton & John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Lams
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	My Dearest, John

My Dearest, John,

How strange must my fate and disposition seem to a stranger, that I am of mind that of all that I have seen and all that I have done, of all the spilled blood and death that I have witnessed with me own two eyes - some of it created by my own hand – all pale in comparison to the unbearable dreadfulness of my unfortunate predicament of seemingly interminable inertia. Though perhaps inertia is not the correct word to describe my current station, for I am not inert by my own volition, but by the constraints of fealty and loyalty to a superior.

You, my dear, know how I loathe to feel underappreciated, and unused, for we are like of mind in that regard (and many others). But to know in my soul that I could be of more use out there in the field instead of sitting in front of a dull desk, and being barred the opportunity to demonstrate my valor alongside my fellow men and maybe, _maybe_ even achieve the most honorable of glory; to be fully aware that my potential is being wasted and being unable to do anything to change my situation, that, dear John, is almost too much for me to stomach.

Indeed, I find myself verily hating everything and everyone in this godforsaken world – except, that is, for you.

But alas! You are far away. Even the feeling of utter frustration I feel over my purposefully ignored potential is but an insignificant pale dot when compared to the hopeless emptiness that creeps over my heart every morning when I wake up and you are not by my side. My bed is like a cold, barren wasteland without your presence, and I find that sleep does not come easily to me without your manly frame at my back. Not that we partook in much sleeping in those days, as I’m sure you recall, but more than our late-night liaisons, memories of which are all that get me through some nights, I miss your companionship, _mon cher_ , your wit, your daring, your kindness and your passion. I have requested time and time again for an opportunity to go down to visit you, but alas, that just resulted in another item for my long list of grievances.

In your absence, I have taken refuge in the letters, my oldest and faithful friends, particularly in the works of William Shakespeare. I dare say I have found a small modicum of consolation in reading his sonnets, for not only are they as beautiful works of literature as the prestigious intellectual crowds claim, but because a part of my heart finds some small comfort in knowing that nearly two hundred years ago the old Bard found himself in a similar situation as I: hopelessly longing for a fair youth that is just out of reach, and having to resort in taking company with the ladies of the dark in order to achieve some sort of satisfaction. Though I would not compare you to Adonis, nor claim that your beauty puts that as the great god’s to shame – though I think I have made clear on many occasions my deep appreciation of your figure. No, if I were to draw comparisons between yourself and that of a Greek myth, you my dear, would be Pythias, and I your Damon. You would be Patroclus and I Achilles – nay, the other way around, for you are far nobler than I will ever be. And I would not ask you to procreate in order pass on your charms – of which there are many – and your beauty – which is quite considerable in my eyes – to a future generation, for I know that you have taken care of that particular process without my help. Indeed, _mon ami_ , if your daughter has inherited one fraction of your appeal, combined with that of her mother’s, which I am sure she possesses, that child can count her fortunes made for only a fool of a man would not happily court her. However, I do beseech you not to follow Achilles footsteps and chase immortality through glory, as we have so often discussed, before we can have one last, sweet rendezvous, after which we can both don the shield and the spear and travel down that glorious road together, hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder.

And finally, I prostrate myself on my knees, at your feet – a position I would find most agreeable if you were here in front of me to enjoy it – and implore you to show appreciation for this poor effort of mine with effort of your own. Your letters, however sparse, are a bright beam of sunlight cutting through the dark, heavy, oppressive clouds of my heart. For that, I beg of you, my dearest, to think of me with kindness when this letter reaches your hand.

Be assured that my feelings for you remain unaltered, as always.

Forever yrs.

A. Ham

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this little fic of sorts about three years ago??? And posted it in on Tumblr, where it got swallowed by content and time.....but now it's back! 
> 
> Essentially, I lost a lot of old fic recently because it was either only saved in my now busted laptop or scattered to the winds of mid-2000s internet, so I'm going to try and get all the fic that I do have stored in one place - AO3! There's more of this to come my lovelies!
> 
> You can find me on twitter at @Berryholic4 or on tumblr at @berryholic-hamiltonic


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